If sharing your pronouns is about doing a favor for trans people, reassess your intentions.

During this Trans Awareness week, I encourage you to breach the surface of the conversation about pronouns and invite cis folks to explore the stake you have in the fight for trans rights. If I asked you, “why is it important to share your pronouns” what would you say? For me, this answer is two-fold. At the individual level, my reality as a trans and non-binary person is that if I don’t share my pronouns, people assume incorrectly, and I get misgendered. At the community or societal level, sharing pronouns is a path to freeing us all from the oppressive gender binary and advancing toward collective liberation and autonomy. I’ve heard many cis folks say they are sharing their pronouns because it creates space for trans, non-binary, and gender-expansive folks to express themselves. They are demonstrating allyship. While it is true that sharing pronouns can do that, this sentiment misses the fact that we are all suffering from the confines of the gender binary, cis and trans people alike. If sharing your pronouns is about doing a favor for trans people, it’s time to reassess your intentions. Fighting for my rights and freedom means fighting for your own too. I invite you to examine the ways that you have been harmed by the gender binary, the ways you have conformed and suppressed parts of yourself, maybe unconsciously, to fit into a gender box assigned to you. The opportunities you’ve missed out on, the activities you didn’t feel like you could participate in, and roles you didn’t think you could occupy. In the words of Jonathan Van Ness (they/he/she):

“Nobody grows in a box.”

‍I encourage everyone to reframe the act of sharing pronouns to be an intentional preface to freeing us all from the oppressive gender binary. The western gender categories of “man” and “woman” are rooted in racism and colonialism. They were created to give certain groups superiority over others, enforcing a hierarchy of power. When societies limit the rights and freedoms of some, everyone in that society suffers. People operate on assumptions, put folks into boxes, seize control of and police our bodies, and regulate how people behave, express themselves, and exist. Only when we intentionally move towards a society where gender and pronouns are not assumed or policed, will we begin to reclaim our autonomy. As Alok Vaid-Menon (they/them) said,

‍“when i say i want to “end the gender binary,” i am not saying that i want everyone in the world to be nonbinary nor that being a woman or a man is a problem. what i want is for “man” and “woman” to be understood as only two of millions of potential ways of being. i want all gendered & agendered ways of being to have access to the same legitimacy, safety, compassion & beauty. the way that we perpetuate the gender binary is more about the systems of value we uphold & how we treat each other than the particular words that we affix to our experiences. this is why i believe that all of us — regardless of how we identify & navigate the world — have a stake in ending the gender binary! it’s a system of power that values its reproduction over our realities, its supremacy over our stories, its universality over our uniqueness.”

‍By sharing your pronouns, you are recognizing that gender and pronouns cannot be assumed by looking at someone. By sharing your pronouns, you are acknowledging that the gender binary is oppressive to us all. By sharing your pronouns, you are working towards collective liberation. Own that! And tell your friends, family, coworkers, neighbors, that person you met at a party. Tell them about the simple way they can do it too.

Further learning:

• ALOK: The Urgent Need for Compassion | The Man Enough Podcast
• The Gender Binary Is a Tool of White Supremacy
• How the Gender Binary is Bad for your Health

Skylar Patron is One Colorado’s Health Equity Manager and is a registered nurse with a passion for social justice and LGBTQ+ health. They are a member of the World Professional Association for Transgender Health and hope to one day provide gender-affirming care. Outside of work, Skylar enjoys hiking, thrifting, playing board games, and spending time with their puppy, Smokey the Bear.